The other night I was trying to help my friend start getting over her ex. She'd just had an encounter with him and was musing about his perfections and I was, as usual, trying to make her realize he wasn't THAT great. I told her that the only way to start getting over someone is to start thinking about the things that weren't so perfect. For example, when I think of my most recent ex, IB, I think about how he was too introverted for me. It doesn't mean you have to hate them. You should just think about qualities they don't have that you would want for someone in the long term. Moreover, I preached she definitely shouldn't be going over to see him. It wasn't until I stopped contact that I really started getting the closure I needed in order to be able to be happy on my own.
Flash forward to the next day – I'm getting dressed, putting my hair in a messy pony tail, getting ready to see a solo Sunday matinee flick – when my phone rings and it is none other than the previously mentioned ex. Someone I had never expected to hear from again and had wiped from my social media accounts as a result. In some crazy random happenstance, he was at the theater I was about to go to to see the same movie as me. Great.
I feel like we both resorted to our traditional roles. Me – gung ho about the plan and trying to make it happen by calling him in the theater to figure out where he was. Him – unaware, and coming across as not caring. So, I was stressed out for this silly movie that I'd been looking forward to going to on my own so there would be no stress. To stop the mental madness, I texted that we'd meet up after. Meanwhile, we were in the same theater, could easily have met up for a good 15 minutes, but instead just resorted to nothing. It's frustrating thinking how difficult such a simple situation can be – no one will take those two fucking steps needed to make it happen.
After the movie, I didn't want another recreation of the former, so I just went home when I didn't see him obviously waiting for me anywhere. I live like 3 houses away from the movie place, so if he called and seemed like he wanted to see me, FINE. 10 minutes later he did. And we had a fine 30 minute catch up conversation whilst awkwardly meandering around my neighborhood. It was plain vanilla, fine, unsalted popcorn, nothingness, catching up stuff….
And I just don't see the point. It doesn't mean anything. We're not going to be friends. In all likelihood, I'll never see this guy again. What's the point of staying in touch with people like that? Is there something I'm missing? Is there any more to it than figuring out who's life is more together at the moment? Figuring out who the winner is?
The one possible pro, I guess, is that this is the first time I've seen him and had no hidden agenda or residual emotions. He was just some guy that I remember random facts about. This encounter was just some added proof that I was right and that there is no place for him in my life anymore. The most we could ever have was a one-sided friendship. I needed that fact for when I told my friend about the encounter. She started yelling at me – calling me a hypocrite for giving her my rules for the night before. But my lack of feelings (that I worked fucking hard to get rid of) was why it was OK for me only this time, and still not OK for her.
The thing about rules is, sometimes you gotta break them. You have to take the training wheels off, even if it's probably too soon, in order to see what's going to happen. Will I scrape my knees and spill brain chunks on the pavement or do I finally have the skill set in place to zoom down the hill unscathed? Once you've cared about someone, it's impossible to be logical about them anymore. And just this one time, it didn't burn me.