Last night, as I was zooming home in my car at 9 PM, a half-eaten banana resting on the passenger seat, I developed a theory: Level of driving safety and hunger are inversely related. When hungry I drive at least 10 mph faster, am 78% more aggressive at claiming the right of way, make 2X more yellow light close calls, and do bizarre dance moves like imitating a bra lasso while I'm navigating the residential roads that lead to my house. At one red light when I braved another nibble on the aforementioned banana, I remembered why I try not to eat bananas in public. A muddy truck with three guys in self mutilated black t-shirts with the sleeves torn off pulled up beside me and started to holler.
Hunger Pangs and Sexual Harassment
So why was I so hungry last night? For that, I will have to thank 'corporate' America again, because I was hired. And because minimum wage employees get the shaft in all parts of their lives, I have to work weird house like 4-9pm with no break – a time interval that spans every reasonable dinner hour and leaves me about to gnaw off my fingers when I get off my shift.
The most I'll disclose on the Internet is that I'm working a retail job at a department store. I feel like I'll have lots of fun stories over the next few weeks and I don't want to risk premature termination by disclosing too much on such a public forum. So far the job is good – I've been watching training videos and not interacting with the public at all. And yesterday, my dream of starring in a sexual harassment video was rekindled. I feel like the girls in those are never that hot, so I think I have a decent chance of telling someone they have 'bedroom eyes' on a crusty VHS tape some day.
I failed my sexual harassment follow-up questions pretty miserably. I was particularly bad at determining whether something was legit harassment and what I should do about it – I was too lenient. I mean, if some cute guy from the warehouse said I was looking fine today, that would probably make my day. I definitely wouldn't call a hot line about it. I'm honestly more creeped out about being called sweetie by my boss. I think harassment is one of those things like sex on TV (hello HBO and FX!), cell phones in class, and violent video games that just have different norms these days. I mean, the Quizno's commercials say "Put it in me, Scott," and honestly, I'm glad they do. A little sexual harassment never hurt anyone.