My dad just really really yelled at my mom. It makes me so angry. It makes me even angrier when I think about the reason for the yelling and how trivial it is in the long run. Does it really matter whose name is on the phone plan bills if I’m going to be the one paying for it? I’ve just been sitting here for the last hour at a loss for words. I just have no patience for yelling and fighting and anger. It paralyzes me, makes me cry, and makes me feel so weak. Why can’t these people see reason? Yelling just makes communication break down. All you are left with is defensive and sad people – people incapable of forming solutions. Besides, what is done is done – a sunk cost – and no use crying over spilt milk.
If this is how marriage ends up, I don’t ever want to be a part of it. It feels like an impossible task to find older and happy married couples. For me, it seems like being a part of a family means hiding a great deal of who you really are to keep everyone happy. I can’t do it for much longer. The responsibility of tiptoeing through my life to keep people from yelling is wearing me out.
I hide in my room hoping no one will need me for anything.
I definitely feel like it’s time for this baby bird to leave the nest for good. It feels like an ending.