A Craigslist Happily Ever After?

dirty dishes sinkful lots filthyBack when I lived in a sorority house with 11 girls in it, I had a dream. You see, we had these house meetings which were basically half an hour bitch sessions. We would complain about how no one did the dishes or that the trash was smelly or the counters look like ass or the drying rack was too full, but not really do anything about it. The house had assigned chores for the week and often times no one did them and a few people constantly picked up the slack and became bitter human beings.

But, while listening to everyone yell/bitch/moan,  I dreamed of a household where people just did shit when they saw it needed to be done. Example: “Oh snap, the dish washer is full of clean dishes and I need to put this dirty bowl away. I guess I should empty it.” Living with 11 girls, this dream was never within my grasp. And now my friends, I am a part of it. I was just as much of a victim of ‘diffusion of responsibility’ last year, but this year I seem to have transformed into a magical butterfly of chillness and reasonableness.

Like, last year when some BITCH (Re: The cheese bandit) would eat my food without asking me, I would get mad and yell “Bitches” and pull lots of passive aggressive voo doo. Now, I don’t really care. I think it’s because everyone is up front about it and not being sneaky little devils. When I’m like, “Whoa, look how empty my ice cream carton is?” my roommate is like “Whoa, yeah, I can’t stop eating it.” And it’s cool. It all evens out. No one is manipulating each other and being passive aggressive little shits. I kind of love it.

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4 responses to “A Craigslist Happily Ever After?

  1. Oh gosh. I know exactly how you feel. Senior year I had a house like the one you live in now, for the most part. But junior year, even though I lived with a group of really good friends, it just ended up being the most wretched, disgusting hell hole I’ve ever lived in. We had a conversation about it early on, before it was even that bad, that went something like this:

    ME: This place is a total sty. Look at the sink. I know it sucks we don’t have a dishwasher but we need to start trying to wash our dishes.

    ANTAGONISTIC TOM: None of those dishes are mine.

    ME: Tom, you made eggs at 3am last night. You used this skillet, and that plate. And this is the plate you used the night before for pancakes. What is it with you and breakfast food when you’re drunk?

    ANTAGONISTIC TOM: Ok, so those are mine. But they were your eggs.

    ME: I noticed. Thanks.

    LAZY PETE: Okay…well do you have any ideas for how to fix this? I haven’t really given it any thought.

    ME: Or any effort.

    LAZIER RYAN: Yeah, me neither.

    ME: What I was thinking was, let’s just institute a general rule. Wash your dishes right after you use them. That way, if you get in the habit of that, you’ll be washing them when they’re easiest to clean, and dishes won’t pile up.

    LAZY PETE: That sounds reasonable…

    LAZIER RYAN: I guess….

    “OLDER BUT WISER” PAT: Won’t work.

    ME: What?

    “OLDER BUT WISER” PAT: Won’t work. Tried something like that before with other guys. Doesn’t work.

    ME: Just because it didn’t work with those guys doesn’t mean…

    LAZIER RYAN: Well if Pat says it’s not going to work…

    ME: Oh come on, we should still try!

    LAZIER RYAN: I just don’t see how it’d be worth much effort.

    LAZY PETE: Yeah, I mean, if it’s not going to work anyways…maybe we should just clean our dishes whenever.

    ANTAGONISTIC TOM: I’m not going to clean shit when I’m drunk. Fuck it!

    So as you can imagine, the sink piled up with dishes until I cleaned them, and eventually I stopped doing that because I thought it might force them to stop relying on me, and it just became worse and worse. It occasionally looked exactly like that picture you put in your post, but with more grease. Congrats on breaking free of the cycle of inconsiderate bitchiness. Hopefully it lasts.

  2. I’m super happy that you finally have clean roommates though also super jealous!

    p.s. just so you know, the house now has new counters, stove, dishwasher, and microwave. Because, you know, the old ones were trashed.

  3. someone took my ENTIRE tub of peanut butter.. out of my cabinet. BITCH.

    • That happened with my nutella once. It sucks how sneaky people are in the house. Being open about stuff like that, like we are in my apartment, makes me so much less angry. And here I feel like it all evens out, and we all share a bit with each other.

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