I think the worst part about being in this new place is the feeling that my metaphorical wings have been clipped. I feel like I am some less awesome, not real version of myself. I feel like a vulnerable shell trying to find someone to accept me. Once that happens, I know I will start to fill up with the life and pep that I know is part of me. Unfortunately that all takes a while. The three words I use to describe myself are giggly, quirky, and nerdy. Right now I feel shy, desperate, and alone. How attractive is that! I’m pretty much any Dude’s worse nightmare right now.
I would kill to have a real conversation right now (where I’m being ME) – to go on an adventure – to get sloshed and dance like an idiot with my arms over my head to music that all sounds the same – to go to the dog track and hit on a bradley cooper lookalike – to eat Indian take-out and watch Gossip Girl with a kindred spirit – to binge on baked cheetos and watch the Bachelorette with my mom – to be truly inspired by what I’m doing with my life – to strap on 50 pounds of gear and touch the bottom of the ocean floor with my dive buddies- to…..
to be with someone who knows me and I him or her. That’s the bottom line. I’m tired of being dilute Karen…10X concentrated Karen is getting bored and restless. I fear what will happen if she doesn’t get her way for too long.