Giving Up Caffeine is My Own Personal Azkaban

Yesterday marked day 2 in my cold turkey attempt to vanquish caffeine from my life. Every day, another thing that has become convention in America that also makes us fat has started to bother me. Caffeine is my current target. I never used to drink the stuff. Back in 7th grade, I was pretty overweight. Fortunately, I have a lot of will power when I want to, and pretty readily lost a lot of weight over a Summer. Shame motivated me. I remember the pediatrician saying that I was fat and needed to lose weight. I knew I wasn’t thin, but hearing it come from a doctor just sparked a change in me. I’m sure doctors wished it was like that for everyone. All I really had to do was stop eating the large portions the rest of my family was, do some tae-bo every day(yes, that shit works), and eliminate soda completely. I lived solely on water. And for 8 years I was happy with that.

Until last year when I started studying late at night. Everyone started drinking soda and coffee and I followed suit. Caffeine is a tricky beast for Karen. I am highly sensitive to it. That, and the fact that I didn’t drink the stuff for 8+ years meant that a single cup of coffee was like Karen on speed. Either that or happy pills. In fact, after Brian and I broke up last year I started drinking more coffee. It made me more excited about life. It made me not care about the things that were wrong. It made me a social butterfly who could talk your ear off. It made me get over my insecurities. It was basically awesome. Make that awesome SQUARED.

But on the flip side, it makes my brain work so fast sometimes that I can’t really focus on anything. Take last week for example when I was so strung out I couldn’t make 62 cents change to buy some peach rings. It also makes me quite obnoxious. Without it, I’m foggy and blah. I don’t want to be dependent on something like that.

So I tried to go cold turkey, I really did. But today, 48 hours later, I just couldn’t take it anymore. There was free coffee in the lobby and I took my girly frog mug and made a half decaf half caf concotion to at least cut back a bit. 15 minutes later I was having hot flashes, sipping coffee through the stirrer like a weirdo, and saying obnoxious things. It was seriously like drugs. And I basically embarassed myself in front of a semi cute boy by being a total nerd. Yeah, I like to think I’m a cute nerd, but you can’t show your nerdy side TOO early.

I’m pretty distraught over it. But, maybe it’ll give me added motivation these coming days. I think cold turkey is the key. JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO!

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4 responses to “Giving Up Caffeine is My Own Personal Azkaban

  1. God damn, Karen…imagine if you tried cocaine, your head would explode. You’d be like Len Bias.

    Also, I think the fact that the title of your blog post makes a Harry Potter reference kind of sums you up entirely.

  2. I have faith in you that you can kick the caffeine habit! I am four months strong on it and I have never felt better. The trick that I used was not to completely cut out sodas and other tasty drinks (ie not just drink bland water completely) but to realize that you can still have most of these things without caffeine. PSL at starbucks even comes in a decaf option although its a mouthful to end up ordering a “Grande Decaf Pumpkin Spiced Latte”.

    Also, Sprite and Sierra Mist can be your friends cause they have no caffeine in them and they sell a caffeine free Coke and Diet Coke version as well. Teas are also good although they are tricky. Your body will thank you although the first week or so is going to be so rough!

    • Yes, I keep thinking of the end game and why I’m doing this. But it’s so hard during my ‘crash periods’ at like 10 am and 3 pm. I wish I had never started drinking this awful stuff.

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